Life Is Canceled Until Further Notice
I have an 8,000 word term paper due in a couple of weeks.
I haven’t written a word of it.
I haven’t researched a word of it.
I sorta need to get it done.
So, while Saint Gradon is gallavanting working in Las Vegas this weekend, I’ll be sitting in front of a computer screen, loaded up on caffeine, trying to parse together some semblance of order regarding the characteristics of good international managers (hint: they’re not like my American manager).
Until then, life is canceled. I’ll let you know when everyone can resume.
I will leave you with this text from an e-mail from my boss sent to me at 5:14 yesterday afternoon, just for giggles…
“Remind me – we still need to call the NY lawyer – please send me an invite for Friday – maybe around 10 or so.”
You can’t set your own fucking reminder?
So, after a few gin and tonics last night, I decided to come in the morning, print out said e-mail and write on it in Sharpie, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. WERE YOU HIGH WHEN YOU WROTE THIS SHIT? I AM NOT YOUR GAWDAMNED TRAPPER KEEPER, ASSHOLE.“
Instead, I’m just going to be passive aggressive, and set the reminder for NEXT Friday.
Fucker.
Kisses,
Maxine
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Cancelled? Okay, tell me when to let this breath out, kay?
Next Friday .. hehhe, you’re the best.
MAXINE SAYS… Maybe I need some cornbread and beans.
I hope this wont affect services come Sunday.
jk..good luck with the paper
MAXINE SAYS… Maybe your mother should come stay with me. I’ll just keep her drugged up and put her in a closet for a couple of weeks and she’ll be fine.
I hope there will still be a church service. God will strike me down if I don’t go to church and this is the only church I go to. If there is no service will the Reverend Maxine forgive me my sins?
MAXINE SAYS… Forgive me, Joanie. I’ll do somethin’ special this comin’ Sunday to make up for it.
Honey, you need to let each of us research a bit of your assignment for you. Delegate… We will help so that you don’t miss services.
Btw ~ I seem to come up with my best material when I am under the influence… just sayin
MAXINE SAYS… I think I’m going to sign it “By Two Buck Chuck”
” I AM NOT YOUR GAWDAMNED TRAPPER KEEPER, ASSHOLE.“
Thank you for making me lawl.
MAXINE SAYS… Happy to oblige.
Passive-aggression is SUCH an undervalued trait…
MAXINE SAYS… I TOTALLY agree!
Hope you’re making progress on the term paper. Miss you, but since we know the reason for the silence, I’m not worrying (too much). Hope you get an “A.”
MAXINE SAYS… It’s been more than that, but I’m back. Thanks for checking in, baby.
Maxine, if thats a real offer, youve got a deal.
A friend of mine is now bringing her to me on his way to the beach…
MAXINE SAYS… Can I tuck my pee-pee between my thighs and say, “It’s puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again?”
Actually, I think I just scared myself.
Maybe you should just hire some nasty hustlers and tranny ho’s and have everyone walk around the house naked for her entire visit, and when she complains, ask her what the hell she’s talking about, then finally ask her if her affairs are in order.
THEN I’ll show up and say, “It puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again.”
It’ll be her last visit.
Ever.